Hair
by Yuyake no Okami
Summary: Does anybody feel the need to know how L would be with his hair clean, and not covered by tons of grease and God-knows-what-else? Because Misa surely does... (A derpy Death Note twoshots. No pairings)
1. Hair

A/N: I know. I KNOW. _I KNOW. DIN DAMMIT. _My other stories are crying. But, hey, I am trying. I'm still writing chapter six of Pointy Eared Professor, and chapter three of Of Spaceships and Magic.

However, I really wanted to write this. Derpy and stupid, just how I like oneshots :3

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Hair

Light Yagami's life was far from normal.

He was incredibly clever, maybe even the most clever person in all the world, he knew the best detective of the planet in person, he was handsome like a Hollywood star and he had a famous idol as a girlfriend.

Oh, and he was a mass-murderer who killed criminals with a notebook a Shinigami gave him.

Details.

However, even for him it wasn't normal being woken up by an hysterical cry.

He opened his eyes slowly, and blinked sleepily. He looked at the timekeeper. Eight o'clock. He'd slept in.

But hey. It was Sunday. Screw that. Even Kira needed to rest, sometimes.

He closed his eyes again, a satisfied smirk on his face, but he reopened them instantly as another girly scream echoed into the skyscraper he'd grown accustomed calling home.

He got up with a sigh. What the hell was going on?

Unsurprisingly, Ryuzaki had already left the room they shared, so he just headed for the door, certain he would found him in the kitchen or the video room.

However, he wasn't there, owling in front of a screen or swallowing whole strawberry cakes in single gulps.

Oh no. The truth was much weirder.

A completely hysterical L was running, trying to escape from a very angry-looking Misa, who was armed with a brush and a bottle of shampoo.

What. The. Fuck.

Not to mention that the ever-stoic L, the very same that showed always the same expression (the one of a _very_ bored vampire), even when dealing with murders and supernatural stuff, was utterly _horrified_.

As it wasn't enough, when the detective spotted him, he grabbed his shoulder and hid behind him.

"R-Ryuzaki?! Misa?! What's going on?!" Cried the young man, mildly shocked.

"That woman is crazy! Crazy, I tell you!" L shouted, shooting a death look at Misa.

The young woman sighed, exasperated. "You can't go on like this, Ryuzaki! You look like a panda who hasn't showed in years!"

She smirked. "Besides, I want to see you with that hair in place."

Light stared. Ok. Now he was going to wake up from that incredibly weird dream and discover that whatever stuff Matsuda was on to keep his childish mood all the time (he'd decided that, either the guy was constantly high, or he was simply an idiot) had somehow ended up in his glass.

Right?

Wrong.

It wasn't a dream. The greatest detective in the world was being chased by his girlfriend because she wanted to bath him, and was hiding behind the very person he wanted to put on the electrical chair.

What the actual hell.

"Light-kun, tell your girlfriend to leave me alone!"

...What would you have done in his place?

He could either: try to win L's friendship by helping him out, or consign him to Misa and abandon him to his destiny.

He smirked. Easy choice.

xxx

"Traitor!" Shouted Ryuzaki, while both Light and Misa didn't seem to be able to hold their laughter at the sight of the greatest detective in the world whining like a kid while covered by bubbles. (A/N: before you ask, L is completely dressed, they are only showering his head. Don't expect yaoi or shonen-ai, because you will found none.)

"Oh, come on Ryuzaki-kun! Having your hair clean for once won't do you anything but good..." Giggled Misa, pinching the detective's cheek playfully.

"Screw" blub "you!"

Light just chuckled, shaking his head while holding the older boy in place.

The girl washed again his hair, and signaled to Light to let Ryuzaki go.

The detective basically shot up in the air, spurting profanities Light was pretty sure he'd never heard.

Misa smirked, and held up a phon. "And, now, we are drying them up..."

"GAH!"

Light shook his head. "Whatever. I'm not participating."

xxx

The young idol gaped. Okay. She was NOT expecting that.

She'd always thought that Ryuzaki was, although funny and charming... well, sometimes, at least... anyway, she'd always thought he was not exactly a beauty.

But, actually, without the liters of grease that covered the guy's hair, he was... aw he,, he was hot, okay?!

Yes. Hot.

Almost at her Light's level.

Now, the question: if cleaning his hair changed him like that... What would do a little bit of sleep and a normal pose?

She smirked evilly.

xxx

Light sighed at Matsuda's childish antics, as he saw him arguing with someone at the phone. He sounded like a child who wanted to sign up on Pacebook, but his parents would keep saying no.

Could anything be more ridiculous?

"LIGHT-KUN! HELP ME!"

... Guess he had been answered.


	2. After the hair, what else?

A/N: This story used to be a oneshot like my other non-crossover stories... then it took a review to the knee. I wasn't really planning on writing a sequel, but congrats, Ghostkid33. Here you go your second chapter!

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After the hair, what else?

L didn't like to wash his hair. Why, you may ask.

He didn't remember much of his family before going to Wammy's house, but there was a memory that just wouldn't go away: of his twin half-drowning him at the age of three while their mother was bathing them.

It wasn't a nice memory.

As the years passed, he made everything he could to avoid contact between his hair and that oxide of dihydrogen also known as water.

He was almost proud of how much they were oily.

Then, Misa (and that traitor of Light-kun, obviously) had _forced_ him to wash and even brush them! Ugh.

But that wasn't the real problem. He could deal with having his hair clean. After all, it was the act of washing them that disturbed him, not having them clean.

The problem was, Misa had something in mind. And he was sure it wouldn't be nice.

How did he know? Well, she wasn't exactly a master of what he liked to call "mental stealth".

_*Le flashback*_

_"So, Ryuzaki. Are you gay?"_

_The piece of cake he was about to bite remained suspended in mid-air, while Light chocked on his coffee._

_He took a bite and asked, raising an eyebrow: "Since when you're interested in my sexuality?"_

_A nice manner to say: "What the hell, woman! Does it look like something to say so offhandedly? During breakfast no less?!"_

_She had realized her slip, and quickly assumed a playful tone, winking. "You know, since you and my boyfriend spend so much time together, I just wanted to be sure I had nothing to worry about!" A strategy that had probably saved her in countless interviews: if you can't take it back, pretend you were joking. Actually pretty effective... if you weren't talking to the most clever person on Earth._

_She laughed merrily, as Light made a face that clearly said "If he only tried to touch me, I would've killed him with this very teaspoon" and he merely sighed, the ghost of a smile gracing his lips._

_However, when Light went to the bathroom (his almost-drowning experience with his espresso had stained his shirt), he frowned, gaping at the idol. _

_"What do you have in mind?"_

_She smirked. "Just answer the question. Honestly, or you won't like it for sure."_

_"Is this a threat?"_

_"It's a promise."_

_They stared at each other for at least half a minute, then he sighed in defeat. "No. I'm not gay."_

_She chuckled, and as she exited the kitchen he could've swore she muttered: "Mission accomplished."_

_*Le end of le flashback*_

L frowned. He was clever. Incredibly clever. But he couldn't understand women to save his life.

And damn, knowing Misa that was probably the case.

xxx

Light blinked.

He'd returned home for a week, feeling guilty for leaving his mother and his sister alone so much(now, this was kinda ironic, if you remember he wouldn't hesitate if he had to kill them), and when he returned...

he found a stranger into his room.

"Welcome back, Light-kun."

A stranger that knew his name.

"Well? Are you going to say something or you will just keep staring at my abs?"

A stranger that knew his name and made subtle gay jokes.

The guy sighed. "It's me, Light. I'm Ryuzaki."

Ryuzaki?

No.

There was no way. Ryuzaki was creepy, had giant dark circles under his eyes and oily hair, always stood crouched and wore a white shirt and light blue jeans.

This guy stood straight, dressed in a dark blue tee shirt and black pants, not a single bit of dark under his onyx eyes. And, yes. He had abs, tough it wasn't obviously what shocked him the most.

"What the Hell..."

xxx

"Your girlfriend did this to me, if you're wondering."

Light's eyebrows were so raised they were practically touching the ceiling.

"But- but how- your eyes-" he babbled.

"Tons of makeup."

"And the clothes-"

"She went shopping three days ago."

"And your back, how-"

L grimaced. "I'd really rather not to talk about it."

"Uh."

"What?"

"So, you _are_ human, after all. I used to think you were a vampire, or something."

"Oh, shut your trap."

xxx

It had been horrible. First the shower, then the forced makeup, then... (ugh, he _wasn't_ going to think back at what she did to force him in a normal pose ever again), and then _shopping. _And for what? Apparently Misa had decided to find him a girlfriend. Oh joy.

Oh, yes, he hadn't been exactly honest to Light. Misa had yes been going shopping, but dragging him with her!

The worst thing, however, hadn't been going shopping di per se. I mean, he could actually use some other clothes. He liked the ones he had, but a change for once wouldn't have killed him, no?

The worse thing had happened while exiting the store, wearing the tee shirt and pants Misa had bought him, a kid had pointed at him, and shouted:

"Mom! Mom, look! It's Sasuke!"

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A/N: This was dedicated to you, Ghostkid33! I hope you liked this!

I never really saw the resemblance between L and Ulquiorra (for those who don't know, he's a character from Bleach, and everybody say he and Ryuzaki look exactly the same) that a lot of people see. Instead, I always thought that Sasuke from Naruto looked like him, like, a lot. So this idea came to me. Also, for everybody who wondered what Misa did to the poor detective, well, she used a corset. Poor Ryuzaki, with one of those infernal things on, nobody would be able to even breath correctly... she practically made him keep that shit on for so much that he lost the habit of crouching. Also, I always thought that the "I lose the 40 % of my mental capacities" thing was just a joke of the detective.

Vote on my polls and review, if you want!


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